You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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