Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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