You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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