My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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