I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
