well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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