I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
