dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
