"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
