i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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