Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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