Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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