I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
