The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Two words: nipple clamps
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