Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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