Don't make out with my wife yet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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