yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
