walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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