Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
