And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
