I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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