she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
