So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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