We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
