I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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