1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
