that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
