His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
