Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
