Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
