the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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