If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
