a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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