guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
