You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
