Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
