Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
