i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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