There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I could fuck to npr.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
