this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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