im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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