I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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