Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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