Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
