his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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