is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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