i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
