My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
