mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
