so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
