They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
