He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
