I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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