Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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