I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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