so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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