So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
