I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
