well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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