I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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