Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
