I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
