My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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