Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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