Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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