Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
