i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Too much gin, very little bucket
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
