sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
