I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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