i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
