well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
