You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
