True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
