dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
