I need to stop coming to work sober
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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