when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
