a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
