Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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