More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize