...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
