Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
