Yo dont text me then not text me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
